Today’s story is about a man named Kevin, who reminded me about how important it is to never judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes…
His name is Kevin
Back around 2015 when I worked as a Sales Manager for for a higher end health club in the GTA, I signed up a man named Kevin for our membership. Kevin was a smaller man, breaking 5 feet only by a couple inches, in his early forties with a stubby frame and worn face that made him look to be older than he was. Although he wasn’t a large man, by any means, the extra weight he carried was all around his stomach, which often made his shirt come up when he exercised. He was a quiet guy who never really smiled. Most people would laugh at my jokes and remarks in the gym as I was used to using enthusiasm and light humor to help get people through their tougher workout days, but with Kevin, the most I ever got was a nod. I hoped over time that would change– although it never really did.
Not only did Kevin sign up for the gym, he also agreed to get extra guidance towards his fitness goals as I paired him up with one of my most patient and supportive coaches to help with his workouts, accountability, and progress along the way. When he signed up for the gym and to work with a coach, the biggest barrier I had to overcome was the fear that we were going to take from him. “My last gym took advantage of me, I don’t want to get screwed again”. I provided him with excellent service, introducing him to staff and members on the tour, and when he signed up at the end, I reassured him, “Kevin, we are good people here, you’ll be in good hands and taken great care of — you have my word”.
The first week, I saw him 3 times, greeted him by name, checked in on how he was doing, and all three times, he continued to remind me how his last gym screwed him and he was worried we would do the same. Usually, by this time, I would surely have gotten to know a member more deeply and they would’ve opened up at least a little– Kevin gave me nothing, but his name and necessary information to sign up.
Kevin’s fitness journey
By 6 months in, Kevin was a regular at the gym. He was coming in 5 days a week for his workouts, lighter, stronger, leaner, and he lost the extra pouch he once had on his stomach. Every time he came in, multiple staff (including myself) would greet him by name, ask how he was doing, and compliment him on his efforts and the progress he had made. We treated him as if he was our only member, yet every week, nearly every time we spoke, he would continue to remind me, “Devon, my last club screwed me, I hope you guys aren’t going to do the same”, and every week I would reassure him, “Kevin, we have not and we will not, you have my word”.
It was right before his full first year with us when one day training with his Coach when Kevin got visibly upset mid session after Coach Patrick asked him to do an exercise a specific way — “I don’t like how you’re talking to me Patrick, you’re trying to control me and I don’t like that”. Patrick, was one of the most supportive, soft-spoken coaches I ever had, and one who had helped him make great progress with his health in the past year. I brought Kevin in my office for a chat and shortly after, he cooled down and continued his workout with his usual dry mannerisms.
The turning point
One day, Kevin came into my office, wanting me to show him his account information to make sure we hadn’t taken advantage of him. In that moment, I had had enough and was moments away from reading him his rights and telling him how ungrateful he was for all of our help and the support we’d given him all the way through. Before doing so, I realized in that moment that even though I had spoken to him often, treated him with kindness and fairness — I really didn’t know him. The conversation that followed ended up being a strong reminder to myself that generally when most people are upset, it’s because they’re hurt…
Generally when most people are upset– it’s because they’re hurt.
Kevin’s story:
While we were chatting and I was complementing him on his weight loss since he started, Kevin said to me, “well, I used to be a lot heavier than that”, before he proceeded to show me a picture of himself at 225lb on a 5 foot frame. He also proceeded to tell me his story of how he had four previous heart attacks and was homeless on two separate occasions, living on the streets of Toronto for a total of nine years. His first four years being homeless started at the age of nineteen until he was twenty-three, and then again from ages twenty-nine until he was thirty-five. He told me of the crowds he was a part of while being homeless, a mix of good people with bad luck and little support except for each other and those with more self-inflicted circumstances — many from both sides who relied heavily on drugs and alcohol to make their way through the day, including Kevin at times. It finally hit me and I finally understood Kevin and why he was the way he was — why he was always so worried that we were going to screw him over — because life had let him down so many times before…
It took me getting to know Kevin’s story, before I was able to connect with him and before I got him to crack a smirk, here and there. After understanding Kevin and his past, I became more patient, more empathetic, and more able to deal with his weekly worries without getting personally offended — which is another lesson in itself — that most attacks we take personal are not.
Nowadays, whenever someone new enters my life, I use this to try and remember that everyone has their story to why they are the way the are — a story that defines them, that I know nothing about…
Closing thoughts:
Never judge a book by it’s cover, and never judge or criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes — which you likely never will..