As I write this, we are back in lockdowns once again, after more than a year of economic struggle and fighting a battle that we are obviously losing against Covid-19 and new variants. We are restricted from our freedoms once again. In times like this, we have a limited choices to make, none of which are easy, and none of which will solve all of our problems. One of the most crucial choices however, is where we choose to put our focus. Will you make things worse, focusing on all of what you can’t do and what’s been taken away– or will you choose to find some sort of peace and solemn by putting the focus more towards the things you can do.
You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be
Admiral James Stockdale
If you know the quote above and it’s origin, even before you read the rest of this article, perhaps you’ll have been reminded of perspective that your current situation in the grand scheme of life and all lives– could be much worse. Jim Stockdale (depicted in the movie Unbroken) was a man who spent more than 7 years in Vietnam as a POW (Prisoner of War) where he was beaten and tortured over 15 times before being released once the war was over. It was his experiences there that taught him the lesson quoted above– later known as “the Stockdale Paradox”. I highly recommend watching this movie or looking up his story…
Controlling the point of focus
During my time working for Fitness clubs around 2014, one of my mentors, Declan, was one of the best I’ve seen when it came to customer service and dealing with member issues. Whether it was a customer coming in hot wanting to cancel their membership or a herd of upset women after their Zumba class (hell hath no fury like a dissatisfied Zumba members), he always seemed to be able to come out with the member satisfied, and even befriend them with one simple method.
One day, after witnessing another one of his turnarounds, I looked over and said, “Okay Declan, I’ve seen you do this countless times– what’s your secret?”. He simply replied, “For one, people often just want to be heard more than they want a solution, and two, focus on what you can do for them– not what you can’t”.
Even though the member didn’t always get exactly what they were asking for, they almost always felt better afterwards. Rather than hearing flat out, “No I can’t help you”, they would hear, “I’m sorry, I understand what you’re looking for, and here’s what I can do for you at this time”. As long as we listened, apologized genuinely for them being upset, and were reasonable in being able to offer something to satisfy them– even if it wasn’t what they wanted– we often ended up building deeper relationships with our customers, because of instances like this.
How to apply this in your own life
It’s currently January 2022 as I’m writing this, and the year hasn’t necessarily started off with the exciting and motivating bang that most of us were looking for. Many are back on lockdown due to Covid-19 with restrictions and limitations on their usual daily life once again.
Right now, if you’re in a region where your government has placed similar restrictions as the ones placed in Ontario– the current list of regular things we can’t do has grown. We can’t go socialize as per usual at a restaurant or bar. We can’t go into most work offices to work alongside coworkers as usual. Going to the gym, which is about much more than the physical health aspect for people who exercise– is also temporarily not an option. If we make a list of things we can’t do an focus on that– our already difficult situation/current shit-show– will feel even shittier. This is not a method that will make either of us feel better.
At times like these, it’s important to recognize and even brainstorm positive things you can do in order to switch your point of focus and give yourself a chance of taking more positive action at this time. You may not be able to meet face to face with clients at this moment– but what about working on the back end of the business? the parts that get swept under the rug often. You may not be able to go to the gym– but we can do some deep-breathing, yoga, or a full sweat bodyweight circuit just by throwing on a you-tube video. The option of working out surrounded by other people is currently on the can’t do list, but we could ask a friend to join us and workout together over zoom– or seek a coach for in-home services. Maybe they can-do list includes reading a book you’ve put off, finishing a course you started, learning to sing, or working on a passion project instead of a typical work project…